So here's my list of questions that I devised to help me explore today's tough question. Again, feel free to do your own exploration before you read my answers.
1. What do you consider old?
2. Can you only enjoy yourself if you have a significant other?
3. Are you too old to find love?
4. Are you healthy?
5. Are you active?
6. Do you live in the past?
7. Are you a life long learner?
8. Are you up to date?
9. Are you a loner?
10. Are you a Debbie Downer?
11. Are you stuck in a rut?
12. How do you meet other people?
13. Are you a dreamer?
1. What do you consider old?
Age is just a number. The larger my number becomes, the more I realize that age is a feeling. I don't FEEL 45. I feel like a kid. I love to be goofy and have fun. I love hanging out with my kiddos and their friends. I love going down the slide with Kayden almost as much as he does. So, how can I grow old alone if I never grow old? There are endless possibilities in a single moment, and I have years left to enjoy this life.
2. Can you only enjoy yourself if you have a significant other?
Heck, no! Last night I went to an all girls' witchy party. Food, drinks, laughter, fellowship, gifts. A perfect evening! Everyday, there is something to look forward to. Maybe it's just seeing a beautiful sunrise, maybe it's just that moment when someone smiles at you, maybe it's just reading a good book. The point is, everyday has a blessing in it if you look for it. And, nope, you don't need someone to do this for you. You can and should do it all by yourself whether you're in a relationship or not.
3. Are you too old to find love?
This goes back to question #1. What is too old? We are always young enough to learn something new. Right now, I'm studying meditation and chakras. At this point in my life, I am open enough to look at things in a new light. When I was younger, I might not have had the fortitude to delve into my whole being. You are never too old to find a new interest including a love interest. What you have to decide is what to do with that love. Do you want to join households? Do you want to remain independent? The most important thing is that you love yourself as much as you love someone else.
4. Are you healthy?
I try to eat right. I am always conscious of my body and how I take care of it. When I can, I work out. The healthier I feel, the more I radiate confidence. Besides, taking care of myself is so much fun! I love being in the kitchen learning how to cook new dishes that taste good and are good for me while the radio plays. When I'm able to run and workout, I get that kick of endorphins that wipes all the blues away. Often, my workout buddy (my daughter, Janie) and I talk about our love lives. Sorry, Tyler. I'm her mama. It's part of the mom/daughter relationship. Those moments of fear that I'll be alone are put into perspective when I realize that I will always have my beautiful children and my wonderful grandson.
5. Are you active?
Being active is more than exercising although this is essential to feeling good. It's about getting out and not being a hermit. When I hike, I generally cross paths with other hikers. A quick hello or a question about the trail usually ensues. Human contact is important when you are going it alone. So, I belong to a Red Hat group even though I'm still a pink hatter. I work. I do things with my friends. I talk to people I love via Facebook, texts, and phone calls. I go outside, I walk, I run and hike when I'm able, and I make sure that I do not isolate.
6. Do you live in the past?
I can't change the past. So why live there? The hard part is that there are so many good memories. The good part is that there are so many good memories. But memories don't get me through today. I've been practicing living in the moment. Today is all we can control. Today is the reality. I have to make the best of today no matter who I share it with.
7. Are you a life long learner?
Keeping your mind sharp is a great way to keep you mind off of loneliness. When I write, I am sharing my thoughts with my readers. I'm never alone when I'm writing. I have you. When I'm creating, I don't have the time or the energy to focus on anything other than what I'm working on. I just learned about a way that you can become a volunteer editor on websites. Good grief. How much fun would that be for an English major? Hell yeah. Something to explore when I'm done writing today.
8. Are you up to date?
I watch the news every morning and read the news every afternoon. If you know what is going on in the world, you can converse with just about anyone. Human beings need human contact to stay healthy. So, if I stay up to date, it is easier to make contact and to stay away from being a wall flower which is so very easy for me.
9. Are you a loner?
In the past, I would wait until someone asked me to go do something fun. Now, I make my own plans and invite others along. Sometimes, I have to go it alone, but that's still not being a loner. Getting out and about is the point. Even if it's just going to the grocery store and talking to the cashier, I'm interacting. I need to remember on those really rough days, that going out where there are people, Starbucks, the park, to a movie, to a restaurant, can alleviate that feeling of being alone. You're never alone if you like the company you're with, and I like me. I'm good company.
10. Are you a Debbie Downer?
Worrying about why he left me doesn't get me anywhere. It only makes me cry. From this point on, I choose to focus on the good times we had together, and there were many. I choose to focus on the lessons I learned throughout our time together, and there are many. I will leave this house with a smile on my face every time I step out of it, because life is good, and I have been blessed.
11. Are you stuck in a rut?
I think, right now, I might be. I have to stay down so much so that I heal. I tore my right scar open once again this morning. So, today, I'm on the couch with my computer watching weird independent movies. Here's another project for me. I will try something new everyday. It could be a new recipe, a new route for my walk, driving down a new road to get to the grocery store, trying a new restaurant when I'm in Bakersfield for my doctor appointemtns, or doing my hair in a new style. No more rut even when I don't feel good. There's no excuse for that shit!
12. How do you meet other people?
I'm not much of a club person, but I do love my Foothill Floozies. I also communicate with others via this blog, two cancer support websites, NAMI, and an online support group for families of people with mental illness. When I'm invited to a party or get together where I don't know people, I don't say, "No." Obviously, I know the person that invited me, and I might make a new friend. So, I try to say, "Yes," to any activities that are positive, fun, and within my energy levels to participate in.
13. Are you a dreamer?
I have dreams. I have never figured out how to make them into a career or even a reality. Another project? I think this is a good idea. I need to talk to people I know who are writers or know writers. I need to help Janie with her new business ideas. I want to follow my dreams. I can find fulmillment on my own. I have done so many things in this life all by myself. Most of them incredibly fulfilling. Why not take a chance? Why not use this moment in time to have faith? Faith in myself. Faith in life. Faith that I can be happy. Yep, it's time.
So, will I grow old alone? First, I refuse to grow old. Ageing is inevitible. Growing old is a state of mind. As long as I have my friends and family, I will never be alone. So, no. I will not grow old alone. I may not have a spouse or significant other, but I will have fun, I will have companionship, and I will have love.