So, here is step 2 of the exercise.
Make a list of physical experiences that stand out in your mind. Make a note about how each of these experiences made you feel. How did you feel about your body at each of these stages?
* Learning to swim in toddler class at the Lindsay Pool.
I hated going under water. To this day, the girls who were teenagers working at the pool at that time remember me being one of the biggest cry babies there. They would dunk me under water just to get me used to it, and eventually I would stop crying, because my mouth would fill up with water. It's OK. I still think those ladies are wonderful. I know I was a handful, and I'm a good swimmer to this day. I also remember always feeling uncomfortable in a swimsuit because of my pale skin. Now, I embrace my color. It's not who I am. It's simply a fact of my heritage. How awesome to think that my pale skin is a reflection of the DNA of my ancestors -- centuries of Irish, Welsh, and French beings that I'll never meet but are a part of me nonetheless.
* Learning to ride a bike.
I learned to ride a bike by riding my Mom's hideously ugly brown Schwinn. Mom or Dad would get me up on the seat, push me toward the orange grove, and yell, "Pedal!" The trees broke my falls until I could stay upright. My parents would laugh so hard they would cry. I would untangle myself from the tree limbs and try again. A precursor of my fortitude. No matter how much pain is involved, when I want something, I never give up. I learn, I grow, I accomplish!
* Riding my special scooter.
One year, I really wanted a scooter like all the other kids had. We didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up, but my parents never wanted me to go without. So, my dad made me a scooter. He took a piece of scrap wood and made it into the base. He attached an old pair of roller skate wheels (metal, made from the the kind of skates that had a key) for the wheels. He used a piece of pipe and attached an old set of bicycle handles for steering. It was bad ass! Seriously, all the other kids thought my scooter was super cool! I rode that thing like crazy, and it would go anywhere. Because of those sturdy metal wheels, I could ride it on the street as well as a sidewalk. It taught me that you don't need money and things. All you need is love and a little ingenuity.
* Hoola Hooping
I was actually good at this even though I was chubby. It made me feel good that I could do something active just as well as the skinny girls.
* Hiking at Scicon
Sixth grade -- I was incredibly awkward, but I made that hike, and I felt like a million bucks. No one thought the little fat girl could do it, but I did it! It was the first time I felt the adrenaline rush that comes from a tough workout. It lasted for hours. Funny thing is, because I still felt so awkward about my body, I didn't want to do any other physical activities that whole week. Yes, kids made fun of me, but I think it was more of how I felt about myself that kept me from trying new things. So, I huddled up and read instead of participating.
* Riding horses
I have never had good luck with horses. I have to tell you three funny stories here. Bare with me. The first story is when I was young, maybe 10. I rode my friend, Sheila's, pony. The pony didn't like to be saddled so she held her breath. This meant that as I was riding her, she exhaled and the saddle slipped. I was hanging on like crazy UNDERNEATH the pony. I rode around the ring like that at least 5 times before I had the nerve to let go and drop. Shelia and her mom and dad laughed so hard that they couldn't help me. Proof that horses are Satan #1. Another time, I was riding a rented horse at the beach. The horse was suicidal and had a death wish. It kept trying to leave the trail and go off the cliffs that lined the hill we were on. Once we got to the beach, the horse got spooked by some dune buggies, ran into the surf, bucked me off, and left. Yep, I lost a rented horse. Luckily, it went back to the corral on its own. Proof that horses are Satan #2. Then, there was the time I was riding a horse in Lake Tahoe. A snake slithered across the path we were on right in front of my horse. The horse reared, I hit my head on a tree branch, and I fell off. I walked the horse back to the corral. Proof that horses are Satan #3. I learned that I'm not a cowgirl. I still like boots, though.
* Riding three wheelers in Pismo
I still like to go fast. This particular memory has me racing through the dunes. Coming over one of the ridges, I couldn't see the other side. Well, there wasn't another side. I flew through the air. The ATC landed on my sternum and knocked the air out of me. I couldn't yell for help, and I broke the ATC . . . totally bent the handle bars. I had to lay there and wait for someone to find me. Yay me! Oh yeah. I was an awkward kid.
*Bike riding and hiking in Lake Tahoe
The summers I spent with my cousin, Cheryl, in Lake Tahoe were always a blast! I always lost weight while I was there, because during the day, I would explore the town on my bicycle. I even did the bike trail that goes around the lake. Beautiful! That's on my bucket list -- to go back and do that trail and camp along the way. I think my love for hiking actually originated here as well. I had a friend from San Marin who also spent summers in Tahoe. We would hike with her grandparents. I realized that there are extraordinarily beautiful places that you have to search and work hard to get to experience. I love hiking and finding hidden beauty. It's one of my passions. I never felt freer or so un-selfconscious as I did when I was out exploring Lake Tahoe.
* Lifting weights and using the rowing machine
This is pre-baby. I decided that I wanted to look good. It had nothing to do with being healthy. I started this fabulous diet called PRISM. I wish I could find it again, but it's no longer around in its original form. I got a rowing machine for my house, and I lifted weights ever day. OOOOO! It felt good! I love the sore that comes after lifting. The thing is, I'm only 5 feet tall. I bulked up. While I was in shape, I was a larger size. I did not like this, but I was addicted to lifting. This is where my love for the adrenaline rush of a good workout started.
* Roller Blading
We've already discussed my sense of coordination so you have to know this was bad news before I even say anytihng. When I was a youngster, I skateboarded all over the place, but the skateboard wasn't attached to my feet, and I could jump off before I went down. I was actually really good at skateboarding and could out do the teenage boys that wanted to show me up. When I was in junior high, I spent endless weekends at Roller Towne skating my heart out, but those skates had four wheels placed wide to keep me on my feet. Inline skates -- not so. Even with knee and elbow pads and a helmet, this was a bad idea. I couldn't stay up. Lots of exercise picking myself up off the ground though. I still like to roller skate. I have a pair of old school white lace ups that I wear out in the driveway. No roller blading though. I know my limits.
* Softball
Here we go with my lack of coordination again. I played catcher in our church league. I don't think I ever actually hit the ball when I was up to bat, but I gave it all I had. I was pretty heavy by this point so running was difficult. I remember feeling sweaty, flushed, and out of breath whenever I played. No bueno.
* Walking the kids in their strollers
When I was pregnant with my kiddos, all healthful eating went out the window. I ate when I was hungry, I ate way too much sugar, and gave into my cravings. My marriage was very tough, and I was using food to make up for my emotional needs. I wish I knew then what I know now -- that everything would turn out for the best, that I would survive, and that my kids would be the most wonderful people in my life. However, my marriage ended violently when I was six months pregnant with my youngest. After I had him, I was very overweight having gained 60 pounds during my second pregnancy alone. So, I decided to get back in shape. Every day, I took my little ones for a walk in their stroller. Ever walked with a 3 year old and a baby in a single stroller? Yep. Not a lot of physical activity going on, but lots and lots of mommying.
*Riding my bike with the kids in their bicycle trailer
Since the walking wasn't working out so well (Janie would mess with Ian. Ian would cry. I would have to stop and fix the situation.), I decided to buy one of the trailers that you pull behind a bicycle. With our helmets in place and the kids buckled in (Ian was about 2 now and Janie was 5), off we went. Janie would punch Ian. Ian would cry. I would have to stop and fix the situation. I gave up and put my dog in the trailer. However, if you've ever ridden a bike in the country, you know that you get chased by other people's dogs. With a yapping dog in a trailer and big mean guard dogs chasing me down the street, the stress was too much for me to take. I gave up.
* Hiking in Sequoia
After I lost 100 pounds, I went back to my original love -- hiking. I have spent many hours on the trails in and around Sequoia National Park. I've done some hiking over at the coast too, and I hiked the North Rim of the Grand Canyon a few years back, but Sequoia is my stomping grounds. I feel so much closer to God and my spirit when I am out using my body to its full potential surrounded by the beauty of nature. This is my church.
* Running the Color Vibe 5K
After hitting 40, I realized that it takes more work to keep the weight off, to be strong, and to have the kind of stamina I desire. So, I started running. Oh my gosh! Why did no one ever tell me how wonderful running is? I am so in love with running that even though I'm still healing, I started running again this week. Runners high is the best thing in the universe! Last year, my daughter, my son's girlfriend and one of her friends, and I ran the Color Vibe 5K. I was so incredibly proud of myself for finishing the race! At 45, I ran my first 5K. So awesome! I feel like Wonder Woman! I can't wait for this year's run!! I'm already preregistered.
At this stage in my life, I feel really good about my body. Of course, there are things I want to change and make better. Having boobs might be nice, my tummy isn't as tight as it once was, and my butt is a little saggier than I would like it to be. However, my body keeps me here in this realm, living and breathing this life. I am strong, I am fierce, and I am one bad ass warrior! I love this body, and I am forever thankful for its gifts.