In order to get in touch with where my stress is coming from, I took a moment and thought about how I feel when I'm feeling stressed. I wanted to know what the real reason for my stress is.
It lives in my chest. Self criticism is an extreme challenge for me. Because I have struggled with it for so many years, my children now struggle with the same issue. When I feel critical of myself, I hold it in my chest. My chest becomes tight, and I feel uber on edge and aware. Every sense is heightened, every muscle tense, and every cell is ready to fight.
Being aware is powerful stuff, especially when you decide to do something with what you learn. I decided I needed to change how I think about myself. If I feel good about who I am, my stress will begin to dissipate. I didn't just change the physical during this exercise, I also changed what I was saying to myself. I would never say the things I say about myself to someone else. Letting go of the physical was a huge help with this. Softening my body and easing the tension made it easier to be kind to myself.
We don't always see the best in ourselves. Do you know that it's OK to ask the people closest to you to lift you up? I asked a couple of my loved ones to share a time when they saw me shine. Here's the story my boyfriend shared with me:
When you were sick and still going through cancer treatment, you were continuing to volunteer with the H.O.W. chapter in our town. You were struggling financially, because you were out of work. Your medical bills were a challenge. You were worried about participating in the Helping One Woman dinner that month, because it turned out that the recipient was the mother of a young man that your daughter used to date. You remember. The one that beat her up and that you called the police on. The mother had been very upset with you and had threatened you. I remember you working so hard and worrying about getting everything set up and perfect for her charity dinner. You said, "I know that there were hard feelings, but no one deserves cancer, and this woman needs love too. I can do that for her." Even when things are hard, even when others do not see all of the awesome traits that you have, you still put others first. You still care. That was a moment when you were at your best . . . a shining moment.
I don't tell you this story to brag. I tell you this to show you how much doing this exercise can change how you see yourself. When you have those moments of stress, you can look back at your shining moment and know that you are worthy. Not only am I proud of myself, it sure is nice to hear someone you love tell you something that they love about you.
Here's my advice for you this month. Take a moment. Get in touch with the root of your stress. Do you worry too much about what others think? Do you beat yourself up? Do you feel inferior? Do you need to control the world around you? Where does your stress live? How does your inner self react to this stress?
Then, ask people who love you to share a time that they saw you shine. Let go of any feelings of pride or shame, and relish in your strength and the warmth of love. It is an amazingly uplifting experience. I promise!
Until next time, shine on, my friends!