I haven't wanted to write about this, because I don't want my children to worry, because I truly believe there is nothing to worry about. However, I know that they worry. It's what you do when a parent has health issues. I know how I feel when one of my parents isn't feeling well. It's scary. Also, I just started dating again. I don't want any potential partner to think I am sick. I'm not. Work can be tough too when your bosses think there is a health issue. You get passed by for promotions and for special assignments. It's not right, but it's true.
So, in order to honor my purpose, here it goes. I got my test results back from my recent CT and PET scan. My CT came back with an "Interval development of an enhancing liver lesion in the medial segment left lobe. This lesion is suspicious for metastasis." Does this mean I have cancer? No. It means I go through a whole new series of tests. However, when you see that word, "metastasis," it completely freaks you out.
I was in the middle of an infusion when the nurse came in and said my oncologist wanted to see me, because my test results were in. This really isn't unusual. The cancer treatment center is all inclusive, so I often get called from one area of the building to another when I am there. It really makes life a lot easier. So, last Friday, I had to roll my IV from the hematology lab down to oncology. It's such a cool place to be. No one looks at you weird as you're rolling along with your bag full of blood. There are tons of people doing similar activities. When I got to the oncology office, I was told that my oncologist now has cancer and is not coming back, so I saw his P.A. I'm so sad that Dr. Ng is not well. I do feel well taken care of though. His, P.A. is amazing! I've seen her before during my visits. She sat down and said all of my results look really good. Nothing lit up in my chest or in my lymph nodes, but . . . That's where I let loose. That BUT word sucks! I didn't even think. I just said, "Mother Fucker!" My doctor cracked up. Thank goodness she isn't offended by my mouth. The but was, there is a tumor on my liver. It is suspicious. However, tumors usually are. It might just be the massive amounts of radiation I've been exposed to over the past few years. The dumb part is, I feel so good! The infusions are starting to work. The good news is we now know what is causing my white blood counts to be so stubborn. Your liver is what controls your white blood cells. Since my liver is struggling, my blood levels are struggling. Now, we can plan on what to do after the infusion therapy is over.
I tell you all this to be transparent. Again, I am NOT sick. I am healthy. I am living life. I am working. I am enjoying every moment of every day. No worries my friends. Whatever happens next, I am ready.
So, as I go through this next round of tests, I was thinking how truly lucky I am. A great way to get through any difficult or challenging time is to think about what you are grateful for. Here's my list. This is by no means everything I'm grateful for. If I were to list everything, I'd be here until next week.
I am grateful for . . .
1. My kids. They are amazing young people!
2. Kayden. He makes me feel young and loved. I couldn't be more proud of how kind and sweet he is. He is funny and smart to boot.
3. My middle baby is moving back to stay with me until he gets a new place. I'll have a little one in the house again.
4. My house is in the process of getting healthy right along with me.
5. My infusions are working, and my blood levels are getting better.
6. My administration at work believe in my abilities to wear many hats.
7. My community. I know it's a little town, but I am so honored that community leaders seek me out and ask me to use my talents to support our hometown. I will be joining the Lindsay Community Theater Board at their meetings starting next month.
8. My parents. They never fail to support me no matter what I need.
9. My friends. They keep me busy doing fun stuff and making memories. This week, I got to go to a baseball game with my son's lovely girlfriend and her mom. This coming week, I have my monthly book club. There are concerts coming up, dinners to attend, our Helping One Woman dinner, and tons of other fun stuff.
10. My ability to create. My new venture is metal etching. Stay tuned.
11. Living in this beautiful place. Where else can you see the Sierra Nevada mountain range and the Central Coast mountain range on the same day. I am surrounded by beauty.
This week, I encourage you to make your own list. What are you grateful for?