Top 10 Things That Piss Me Off about Cancer
1. People think because I am in remission, I'm exactly like I was before.
~ Nope. I'm tired. I have pain and neuropathy (oh yeah and freaking lymphedema) every day. I can't do the same things around the house, the same exercises while working out, or the same little things that just make up day to day living in general that I used to be able to do. Makes me angry! Dumb cancer!
2. Stares.
~ I know. I have the body of a boy. No ass. No boobs. I do still have my hour glass waist. Look at me in the eyes. I know that my breasts are gone. No need to remind me. Really. Dumb, annoying cancer!
3. I make people nervous.
~ People don't know what to say to me. They are afraid to joke about my illness. Umm! Hello! I know I had cancer. I know I had a mastectomy. Let's laugh about it. Good grief. I'm still the same person. Dumb, annoying, stupid cancer!
4. Half hugs.
~ People think they are going to hurt me if they hug me too tightly. You are not going to break me. People need 4 hugs a day to be healthy. So, get your butt over here and give me a hug! Hurry up! Dumb, annoying, stupid, piece of poop cancer!
5. Loneliness.
~ Because I'm in remission, people assume that I'm fine now. Not. I'm getting there, but I'm still recovering. I still need the support and care of my friends. Dating? Ha! Try to make men comfortable with you when you are going through cancer treatment. Yeah. Not happening. Freaking cancer is messing with my mojo. Fucking, dumb, annoying, stupid, piece of poop cancer.
6. Loss of upper body strength.
~ I have always prided myself on being strong for a little person, for being able to do everything on my own, and for having so much stamina when working out. I am so going to get this back. Just watch. Fucking, dumb, annoying, stupid, piece of poop, crappy cancer.
7. No cleavage.
~ I have some really cute low cut tops and dresses. Can I wear them? No. I'm rocking the flat chested look as much as I can, but I am going to be so sexy when I get my new boobies. Yes, I am. Fucking, dumb, annoying, stupid, piece of poop, crappy, icky cancer.
8. Fatigue.
~ Most of you know that I am majorly energetic. Not right now. I take naps. I sleep in. I get tired early. I fight it, because I have stuff to do and people to enjoy, but it's hard work. Fucking, dumb, annoying, stupid, piece of poop, crappy, icky, irritating cancer.
9. I look so much older.
~ I don't know if this is the weight loss or just the toll cancer and surgery has taken on my body, but I do NOT like it. Not at all. I will figure out how to get my youthful appearance back. I promise this will happen. Fucking, dumb, annoying, stupid, piece of poop, crappy, icky, irritating, senseless cancer.
10. Losing people who can't handle my new normal.
~ People leave. People get scared. Yes, you learn who the people are that you can count on, but it doesn't make the pain of others walking away, no let me say this more accurately, RUNNING away screaming, any less painful. Fucking, dumb, annoying, stupid, piece of poop, crappy, icky, irritating, senseless, messed up cancer.
So there!