Friday: Doctor's office calls. Surgery scheduled for Tuesday 12/8. Have to fix that sideways expander. Too much pain. Too much tearing in my chest.
Saturday: Red Hat Christmas luncheon with my beautiful Foothill Floozies. Super sore by the time I get home.
Sunday: Thanksgiving Part 2. Cooked my little heart out. Finally, had the whole family together. Great food, great time with my kiddos and parents! So tired I could cry!
Monday: Drive to Glendale for pre-op. I have to tell you that the Adventist Hospital in Glendale is amazing! The people there were the most helpful medical staff I have ever had the privilege of being treated by. Absolutely awesome! Blood tests, xrays, EKG, paperwork. Blood sugar came back low, but that happens a lot when I don't eat. Went to Taco Azteca for dinner. Authentic Mexican tacos. Yum!
Tuesday: Surgery. I am so lucky! Instead of fixing my expander, my doc was able to do my implants!!!! Can you believe it? I have boobies! Outpatient surgery. Released but had to stay in our hotel room for the night. Brian took super good care of me. That night, I got the phone call. My Aunt Arlene passed away. Grief stricken and so far away from home. I cried for hours.
Wednesday: Looooooooong drive home! Thought I would pass out from the pain caused by that car ride, but so happy to be home in my own bed resting.
Thursday: On bed rest until tomorrow. Have to sleep on my back for the next week. I am not a back sleeper. Therefore, up since 3:30am.
Friday: Whose idea was this reconstruction thing? This shit hurts! Horrible. Awful!
So, here's where I'm at now. I need to get my head in a better space. Sadness and pain need to be reframed. I need to do something to make my aunt proud and to move myself forward. I hope this little exercise is something that you can use too.
1) Write down 3 things that are bothering you.
2) Acknowledge these feelings.
3) Reframe these emotions by writing down 3 ways to rise above them.
Here are mine:
1) Sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my aunt.
2) Feel useless, because I'm not allowed to use my arms for 4 more days.
3) Feel guilty that we're broke and that Christmas will be small this year. Pay was cut in half this month, because I am on FMLA while I get through the tumor extravaganza and reconstruction surgery.
Reframe:
1) I was able to spend some time with my aunt before I had to go to the hospital. I was able to tell her that I love her. She doesn't have to feel sick anymore. She is with her mom and my uncle now. I have great memories of all the holidays, vacations, and family time we have shared.
2) I am finally getting well! This cancer thing is over. Done. Finished. I have the rest of my life to clean the house, work, exercise, and take care of other people. Now, I will be healthy enough to do this without issue.
3) I will go back to work next month. Christmas is not about what we can buy. Christmas is about all of us being together and showing our love for each other. This year will be a special year where commercialism is put in check.
If you are feeling the stress of the holidays, try this 3 step reframing exercise. I promise you will feel better! Next week, I'll walk you through what to expect with reconstruction surgery. I'll feel way more up to typing on this little keyboard by then. Until then, turn that frown upside down, give yourself a break, and reframe those negative feelings. There's always an upside. Have a magical week, my friends!