Positive Thought of the Day: I work hard every day, so I deserve to be treated special.
Positive Affirmation: I am worthy.
Three Action Steps:
1. Take today slowly and enjoy every moment.
2. Buy myself some canvas so that I can do some permanent artwork.
3. Choose a destination for a trip that I want to take myself on this year.
Having one of those writer's block days. What do I say about the no boobs life that I haven't already said? Nothing new has happened between yesterday and today. I still don't have boobs. I'm still getting stronger everyday. One of the things that is difficult is the pace of recovery. It's so excruciatingly slow! I'll have to wait for another 2 months for the next step of the process. Then, there is recovery time again. I would love it if my readers would ask me questions. I think it would be great to have some honest questions that people are afraid to ask me face to face. What do you want to know about breast cancer and the road to recovery? I will gladly answer all questions. I'm pretty open, you know.
Writer's block aside, I do have the next chapter of New Worlds. Thank you to those of you who have sent comments. I really appreciate feedback!
New Worlds Chapter 7
At night, while everyone was in bed and it seemed that the house itself slept, I had been reading a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's poems and short stories. They didn't really frighten me, because the words had been so beautifully put together, but they made me think about things in ways that I hadn't before. I loved "The Raven," because the narrator was able to ask the raven all of the questions that had been tormenting him. I wished that I had someone to answer the questions that filled my mind. How was Woody doing on Grandma and Grandpa's farm? Was Kathryn enjoying her freedom in Modesto? Were Mom and Dad getting along any better since we had left? Why did they have to fight all of the time anyway? Would things be different when I went home? But, there was no black bird sitting in my bedroom to answer my questions. My favorite Poe story was "The Tell-Tale Heart" where the bad guy finally confesses his guilt and justice is served. It was a dark world that I discovered in Poe's stories. A world as different from the world at Aunt Tootie's house as night is different from day.
I lost track of time, and days ran into days, as summer wore on. However, on one of those muggy, cloudy summer mornings when you wish it would rain just to release the tension in the sky, Aunt Tootie invited me along on another little trip. Vicky had been invited over to a school friends' house to play for the afternoon. I had been invited too, but Aunt Tootie had given me the choice of spending the afternoon with two little six year old girls or going with her to visit one of her friends. Surprised that a grown up was actually giving me a choice in what I wanted to do, I chose to spend time with Aunt Tootie. Anyway, I was curious about what a friend of Aunt Tootie's might be like. So we dropped Vicky off on the way.
On the outskirts of town, we pulled up in front of a little white house with a dirt lawn. A woman came to the door before Aunt Tootie had time to knock. She was not unpretty but not what people called attractive. Her height seemed to fill the doorway, but shadows showed around all sides of her skeletal frame. Her cheap cotton gray house dress hung off her shoulders as if a much heavier woman had stretched out the dress then given it to this thin woman with a protruding collar bone. She ran to hug Aunt Tootie, and I noticed that one of her front teeth was missing.
Aunt Tootie stood back and said, "Marie, this is my friend Inez."
Inez took my hand in hers and said, "It's very nice to meet you, Marie. Please come in. The children are always so glad to make a new friend."
Inside the house, a girl about Vicky's age sat in a spindly kitchen, chair. She was barefoot and holding a diaper clad baby. Two toddlers played with a pot and a spoon on the speckled linoleum floor. Despite its size and obvious decrepitude, the room was spotless. I smiled at the two little ones on the floor, but they just looked back at me with indifference in their saucer shaped eyes. I don't know how long Aunt Tootie and Inez sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and laughing and talking, but it seemed like hours as I sat in the hard chair that titled sightly to one side. Just as Aunt Tootie stood up to leave, heavy footsteps sounded on the steps that lead to the porchless front door.
Inez looked like a mouse that had just been cornered by a cat. She said, "Oh no, Tootie. Chuck's home. You've got to get out of here."
"I'm not going anywhere. That bastard doesn't scare me," Aunt Tootie said, but he obviously scared Inez. I was a little scared myself. I couldn't understand why Aunt Tootie didn't just do what Inez asked and leave, but I didn't really understand a lot of things that Aunt Tootie did.
A man walked into the kitchen. He was no taller than an adolescent boy. His skinny arms bulged with blue veins under his dirty tattoos. He walked across the room with his rear end tucked under and his shoulders stooped looking for all the world like the baboons in my school Science book. He stopped only when he was within inches of Aunt Tootie's face. I could see his bristly whiskers and smell the smoke clinging to his greasy hair. His beady black eyes seemed to bore into Aunt Tootie. Then he said, "You get out of here, you bitch. You have no reason to be coming around here, sticking your nose into my business."
"Let me tell you something, Chuck. If you ever lay a hand on her again, I will personally see to it that you never take another breath. If you think that in all the years Bob was on the force, he didn't meet a few people that could put an end to you, you're sadly mistaken. Now get out of my way. Suddenly, the stench in here makes me nauseated."
Chuck stepped to the side, but as Aunt Tottie shoved me toward the doorway, he turned and spit on her. Aunt Tootie never looked back. She just continued down the steps and into the car.