My mom has to come over every day to do my dishes and my laundry, because the repetitious motion of washing dishes and carrying the laundry basket's weight cause muscle spasms in my chest. I can't lift my arms straight over my head. I can't pick up my grandson. I can only run 1/4 mile. I was running 3 miles a day before cancer. I'm up to 126 pounds. My body is not as muscular as it was a year ago, because I cannot lift weights or do anything that puts stress on my pectoral muscles. You would be surprised how many activities this includes. Sit ups, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, push ups, dusting, driving, squeezing lemons . . . yes squeezing lemons. There are so many simple little things we do each day that require the use of those muscles. I have hot flashes. My hair breaks and falls out. My fingernails are brittle. I have short term memory loss (this drives my family nuts, by the way).
I don't mean to sound negative. If you've read my blog at all, you know that I think cancer is one of the best things to ever happen to me. However, I am having to come to terms with this new body that I live in. It is part of me, but not who I am. You may at times experience this same thing. Weight gain, weight loss, pregnancy, illness, injury. There are simply times in our lives when we have to learn to love our outsides. Here's how to make peace with your body no matter what state it is in.
1) Understand that only I can make me happy. Everything is merely how I perceive it to be. How I interpret my body depends on how I describe it to myself.
My body is strong, and it gets stronger every day!
I revel in my angel wings. I will wear them with pride until I can do push ups. I will wiggle and jiggle them with glee. In fact, smacking my son with my adorable new flab is quite a perk. My body is fun and wonderful.
I will workout in order to spend time with my daughter. I will run to be healthy so that I can be a healthy grandma. I will cook healthy meals that I can share with my parents and my boyfriend. Being healthy isn't just about me. It's about being there for the ones I love. So is having fun and playing, talking to my children, or going out to get an ice cream cone on the spur of the moment. My body is the healthiest that it can be.
4. Remember everyone wants to be happy. No one wants to suffer.
I choose to be a mentor and friend that inspires and motivates others. I will speak with confidence about my abilities and my physical appearance so that my children and the young people I work with see that being beautiful comes in many forms. I will share my experience with my still changing body so that others can get through their challenges without suffering and so that the people I come into contact with are able to find happiness in even the most difficult times. My body is a vehicle to joy.
When someone gives me a compliment, I will allow myself to feel the warmth of that compliment, and I will believe it! I will allow the nice things others say to me boost my mood and transform the way I see myself. I will pay it forward and make sure that I share with others when I see the beauty in them. My body is beautiful.
When I think about the kindness of others, I can see that I have actually been the recipient of an enormous amount of kindness and love from others. Why would I not do the same for myself? If I am worthy of this love from others, I am worthy of this love from and to myself. My body is worthy of love.
I know this one sounds crazy, but we can learn and gain benefits from every hardship that we ever experience. Cancer has made me stronger emotionally, more creative, and more aware of what is important to me. My body kicks ass!
I have come to understand that others need to help in order to show their love for me. Allowing others to do the tasks for me that I am currently unable to is actually a way of not only showing my body love by not hurting it but is also a way of showing love to those around me. Asking for help from my family in keeping junk food out of the house is an easy step. When I share with others that I need to make sure that I put time aside for myself to meditate and exercise, I eliminate excuses. In fact, these things often lead to others sharing their successes and ideas on how to be good to my body. My body is my connection to this world.