1. Am I scared?
2. Do I have a role model?
3. Do I make my own decisions?
4. Do I just think about what needs to be done, or do I act?
1. Am I scared?
Everyday. That doesn't mean I curl up in a ball and hide. Courage is being scared and moving through it. Admitting that there is fear somehow gives me a way to let it go. It's kind of like letting a helium balloon go and drift away. Don't do that by the way. It kills sea turtules. Google it. But the fear. It's good to let it go and let it fade. I realize that everything in life is a risk. Getting in my car and driving to work, trying on a new outfit, gtting my next CT scan, writing this blog. It's all a risk, but isn't that what living is about? Taking risks, trying, working, learning? I also accept that I can only control myself in any given situation. So, even if I am scared, I can control how I act toward that fear. Get out of my way fear! I can do amazing things, and you can't stop me.
2. Do I have a role model?
When scary things happen, I often stop and think about how my mom would handle the situation. She is the strongest person I know. The stuff she has gone through in her life is pretty amazing, and never does she falter. There was some tough stuff in her childhood, the divorce of her parents, poverty, putting up with my dad when he was younger, putting up with my sisters, putting up with me, the death of her parents, dealing with my daughter's illness, my illness . . . she has had constant faith and just pushes through it. She never runs away or buries her head. Where on earth did I learn that? I often call her and ask her for advice on how to deal with all the little bumps in the road that pop up in my world. She always has an answer. I want to be like her when I grow up. Also reading the stories of others who have conquered breast cancer, survived abuse, raised a child with mental illness, or who have suffered heart break gives me hope and ideas on how to cope.
3. Do I make my own decisions?
I do make my own decisions. Sometimes, my decisions are not the most popular, but I try always to do the right thing. That means that I often ask for advice from the people whom I admire most so that I have a multitude of ways to solve a problem. I also research the consequences of tough decisions so that I'll be able to handle what comes after a decision is made and done.
4. Do I just think about what needs to be done or do I act?
At some point, you have to step up and act on your fears. I want to be an advocate for those going through breast cancer and those who live with the effects of mental illness in the family. That means I actually have to do it. I have to figure out a way to be involved and then step out and act. I want to move on and build healthy relationships. That means I have to let go of the past and anyone that is toxic in my life. I want to get healthy and move beyond breast cancer. That means I have to recover, take care of my body even more so than I did before, and be confident about who I am. I want to write. Here I am. Time to branch out and stop being afraid.
I am brave. I release myself from fear and hate. Neither serve me anymore. A. A. Milne once wrote, "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” It's one of my favorite quotes from one of my very favorite books. I promise. I will remember.