Speaking of new life . . . one of the best ways to let go of the old is to experience something completely new and different. I was incredibly blessed to be given the opportunity to do just this.
In case you didn't know, my daughter is quite amazing. As you all probably do know, she has been expecting her second child. This time around, she decided to have an all natural, at home birth. She had many reasons for choosing this route, one of those being that with COVID restrictions, she wouldn't be able to have her entire support system with her if she was to have her baby in the hospital.
What an amazing opportunity to be with my daughter, my grandchildren, and my family. Janie was strong and committed. Madeline Marie entered the world in such a peaceful and loving environment that she has been nothing but a little being of serenity herself ever since.
I'm usually extremely detailed and raw on this blog, but this is not my story to tell. I will, however, tell you about how I experienced it from the grandma point of view.
It was such an awe inspiring thing to watch the child I gave birth to show such quiet strength. I've honestly never seen anything like it. She never complained, she never gave up, and she never got upset. She was tired, she was in pain, but never did she tell us that she wanted to quit. There were a few moments when she thought that she couldn't do it, but she never said that she didn't WANT to do it on her own. I would love to brag and say that she is so strong, because I raised her to be this way. Well, I did, but , really, this is all her. This was her being determined. This was her wanting to be the best mom that she can be. This was her wanting to set an example for her children.
Yep, she's a tough cookie, and so very capable, but the best part? The best part, is she still needs me. I know I've never outgrown needing my mommy, and my kiddos still need me. What an absolutely soul filling thing to be needed by the people who you are closest to. Just when I thought, "She doesn't really need me here," I got to put my arms around her and hold her up. By the way, I would have stayed anyway, because -- GRANDBABIE -- but I have to add here that I got to hold my full grown daughter for 30 minutes. In that moment (or those 30 moments), there was so much adrenaline and dopamine and whatever other yummy chemicals your body makes when you in such an exciting, happy place that I didn't even think about the physical ramifications of this. In order to keep her safe and to help her keep her baby safe, I got to hold her up so that she didn't slip too far down in the water. (Oh yeah, I don't think I mentioned that she had a water birth.) Holding my baby up is nothing like birthing a child completely naturally, so I am definitely not complaining. D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y NOT. The next day, though, I had a difficult time even lifting my toothbrush. I would say that a little lactic acid never hurt anyone, but that would be a lie. It's kind of lactic acid's job to hurt you.
I can never thank my daughter and my son-in-law enough for letting me be there when both of my beautiful, perfect grandchildren entered the world.
Back in the days when I was still fighting through cancer, there were many times when the thought occurred to me that it wouldn't really matter if the cancer took my life. (You knew a connection was coming, didn't you?) Everyone would eventually recover and keep moving through their lives if I lost the battle, and there were times when I was so tired that the thought of not trying anymore was a welcome one. Here's the thing, though. I would have missed SO MUCH!!! Every single moment of throwing up, every single moment of recovering from surgeries, every single moment of pain was beyond worth it. I would do any of it a thousand times over just to see my children's successes and just to meet my grandchildren.
So, if you are fighting through something in your life and you think it's OK to just let go, keep fighting. There is always something new to experience, there is always someone who needs you whether you know it or not, and there is ALWAYS new life!
** If you or someone you know is struggling to keep going, contact the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-4357. Links on the resource page.